Author: Jonathan

The Night The David Letterman Experience Came To Toronto – A Truish Story.

I thought for years that I could rise in the business to a level where I could guest on Letterman and then “hijack” the show with this story. That, of course, never happened but very few of us have a good personal Dave yarn. Let me share mine. In the late spring of 1979, I was dividing my time at the Toronto Sun between the news desk as a ne’er do well Jimmy Olsen and the entertainment sandbox where I saw myself as …

Buddy Boy

Years ago, decades ago actually, the great actor Jimmy Stewart sat beside Johnny Carson on the Tonight Show and read a poem to his beloved dog who had passed away.   Back in my callow youth which, to be truthful, should have at that point long morphed into responsible adulthood, I wrote it off as the maudlin ramblings of a slightly addled old man. My opinion changed a few days ago.  I lost my wingman. Technically Buddy wasn’t even my dog.  My ex brought him into the house after …

An Affair To Dismember

I can’t get back the thousands of hours spent absorbing The Dick Van Dyke Show and Flintstones reruns. Even though I had a short itinerant career in television – the highlight on the reel is a story credit on the Seinfeld episode The Fusilli Jerry – the hours could have been better spent.  Perhaps a little more homework or even a little more time with my mother who didn’t live to see my 20th birthday. These days I watch a lot less TV.  …

Full Metal Motorcyle Jacket

“C’mon Gramps, you’re too slow!” The rain was coming in sideways and I had two inches of water in my boots as I steered the crappy little Yamaha back to the top end of the speed/stop drill in which you had to get up to a relatively deadly pace before braking hard in front of the drill instructor who bore a striking resemblance to “Large Marge” of Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. I could barely see through the visor in the monsoon-like conditions as …

Sole Surivor

  “…time for these boot heels to be a wanderin…” – Bob Dylan I think I just might be done with shoe stores.   Seriously, I know it’s not completely realistic but if push came to shove, if my fortunes took a sudden tragic downturn, or I gravitated to a cult that advocated abstinence of the sole (you had to see that coming), I could subsist to my projected expiration date on the current ‘roster’. I have a solid rotation of Monday to Friday …

Marjorie’s Yahrzeit

Last year it was at a wedding  for the son of a good friend.  I drank heavily, danced heavily on my bad knee and got up and rapped with the band to the Run DMC variation of Aerosmith’s Walk This Way: “…I was a high school LOSER, never made it with the LADIES…”.    No kidding. Late in the evening the mother of the bride made a point of coming over and reminding me that she had been in my sister’s cabin at summer camp …

The Looming

At this distance, sixty doesn’t appear to be looking too much like the new forty. It’s getting close – I turned 59 last April spending my birthday as I usually do, buying new auto registration stickers on the expiry date of the old ones because I’m all about value.  Just the kind of guy I am.  I also ran around wrapping up my tax return because I want to squeeze all the value I can out of the tax department staffers.   Just the kind of idiot I …